30 Days of Mental Illness Challenge: Day Four

Question: What are the pros & cons of having a mental illness, or your specific illness(es)?

For ease of reading all this enormous text I've been posting, I'm reverting to bullet points this time. There is no other way to shorten it!

PTSD. PROS (I can't believe I actually came up with a few. It took some thinking!) :

•  Being able to alleviate some of my schizo symptoms simply by recognizing where a few of them originate. 
• It opened the door for the telling of my toxic "secret", which helped me get the support and help I needed.
• Forced me to be more aware of my self and my body and my reactions to triggers. Previous to this diagnosis, I just tried to numb it all away with medication and shuffled it under the grim sentence of schizophrenia.
• Therapy for it is more effective (at this point) than the known treatments for schizophrenia alone.
• The stigma against it is not as enormous as ... some others I could name.
• Support groups for it are numerous and higher profile. They are the reason I have the support I have in my friends/life. 
• I am more sensitive to others have lived through abuse or trauma of whatever sort. I believe people when they say they have PTSD by default action, which is healing for everyone.

                       CONS:

• Nobody deserves to be brutalized and it's not fucking fair. It hurts so much.
• You don't get to choose when PTSD (or triggers) will sneak up on you.
• The only way to heal it is to re-live it. (Hopefully with a competent therapist.)
• Flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia, being in combat-mode, and never trusting.
• Hating touch, and an all out phobia panic reaction to sex (for my particular case, anyway).
• Blaming myself and never feeling "good enough." 
• Irrational anger at people who didn't try to stop it from happening, even if those people didn't know it was happening.

Schizophrenia. PROS:

• I've learned a lot about being "different", including the amazing phenomenon of EVERYONE feeling they are "different" somehow, and can relate to others on that level.
• I get a unique perspective on how to teach others that we're not all crazed idiots with assault rifles. We are real people with real friends and loves and cares and thoughts of profundity. Sometimes I do so through poems and art, and sometimes with actual public speaking about mental illness and schizophrenia.
• Um ... it sure beats dining alone? XD 

                     CONS:

• The unbelievable stigma I get when I am taken seriously, and the unbelievable doubt when I present well on a good day. 
• The medication. All the damned, poisonous, toxic medication.
• Lowered life-expectancy.
• The inability to hold a job (or get a job due to silent discrimination).
• Avolition and the inability to handle stress.
• Relationship failure. When the "mask" comes off and the boyfriend (whomever he might be at the moment) realizes I really am too sick in private settings and the whole thing goes down the crapper.
• The symptoms! Oh dear god, the symptoms! ALL THE SYMPTOMS.
• There is no real cure. You just have to learn to live with it and cope with your own personal entourage of demons.

Then there is the one con that traverses all mental illness or "abnormal" diagnoses:

          THE INVISIBLE DAMAGE. "You don't look sick!" Or, "I can't see it, so you must not be that bad." Or (the worst): "You should be able to fill in blank. You seem fine." Because, if you already knew all of this (especially about schizophrenia) and you still think we're all violent, unpredictable weirdos, I should let you in on a very public secret:

Those with mental illnesses are EIGHT TIMES more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than to be the perpetrators of one. So here's a bonus CON for your edification:

• America has turned into a giant "One Flew Over the Coo-coo's Nest" nightmare. Think about it. If something violent went down between me (a total peacenik weakling), and some neurotypical person (do any actually exist anymore?), who do you think they would listen to in a court of law, whether I started the altercation or not? Whether I even fought back or not? Who would a jury believe? Probably not ME, I'll tell you that. (And just to rest your unquiet minds on the subject, I have never been violent. And I have no desire to become so. I abhor guns and bigotry and hatred and all sorts of other horrible things. You are perfectly safe within my diameter.) End rant.