Communication

There is a war. It is disconnected and dysfunctional.

sketch by me, 2008

I seem to only be able to communicate in metaphor and allegory. I CAN talk simply, but when I do, I am lost and lose words and fall apart. Mostly I remain quiet, thinking nothing I add to the conversation will be worthwhile. So I stitch my own mouth shut. I am better at writing things out than speaking them. Sometimes I am very very quiet, sometimes very very loud.

It depends on whether you are talking to me about one of my passions or not.

A lot of my frustration comes from this miscommunication. I can't seem to speak normally. Even Bryan has had to learn to adjust, and often tells me, "It's hard to have a conversation with you when you're this way." Problem is, I am "this way" most of the time. Oh, I put on a good performance and can seem eloquent for doctors or teachers, or other people I've rehearsed for. But if you really want to talk to me and see my face light up, ask me what I'm obsessed with. If you're not interested in that one, I've got plenty more.

Am I the only one who can't make small talk?