were the words that came out of my pshrink's mouth two weeks ago.
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Artwork by Erskin L. Cherry/ erskin@eldrich.org
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He is the third in a string of doctors who have used this phrase to describe me. So, in contravention to what is usually called "good practice", I have been placed on three anti-psychotics all at once. The good news: they are working well together. The world is quiet, content, and hopeful. The People In My Head are so worn out and faded they seem to be a pair of old jeans that no longer fit (though I still try them on every once in awhile). But, in this circle of mindfulness they are much too big. My universe has contracted to include only me, and a pocketful of reality. Against all predictions and doubts, it is enough.
There is no flat affect. There is no boredom without The Great Circus. There is only reading, writing, watching movies, and keeping house. Well, there is also Bryan, but he is so amazingly supportive and caring that I couldn't possibly shove him out of this small space I've created for my life. It is now a very happy place. I've come to question the phrase "treatment resistant."
By the way, a huge thank you to Erskin L. Cherry for his wonderful depiction of what it feels like inside my brain. All credits and kudos go to him for his incredible piece of art.
Never shove me out of that small space. ;) I'm glad the meds are working so well.
ReplyDeleteAwwww. LOVE.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear their working well together. Oh the dreaded phrase ive heard too many times. I'm about to start the merry go-round of drug cocktails myself now. hope i have as much luck this time round as you are (hopefully still experiencing)
ReplyDeleteSo the new meds aren't making you feel gray and mundane, the way the meds you described in the post "Truce"? That sounds wonderful.
ReplyDelete(I'm recently back from vacation, but about to leave again to help a friend for a week. Just so you know why hearing from me on your blog is so sporadic.)
Thank you Bec and Grayson for your positive words! Yes, the new meds are doing better than the greyness I described in "Truce". I think that was more a letter about how life with meds SEEMS when I'm off driving the streets of Crazytown. True, I am more awake, but as Lori pointed out, I am less aware and less able to cope with the voices when they drag me down the hole. It means a lot that someone is listening, and even more if I can help someone in my situation in some way. All you guys are the best! ~Thanks!
ReplyDelete